I’m beginning to feel slightly guilty* for ripping on Anna Wintour knowing that my closet is still a hypocritical hodge-podge. Even though I’ve been working for a couple of years to pare my collection down, I’d estimate that about 25% of my wardrobe still belongs to at least one of these dubious categories:
trendy When I say ‘trendy’, I do not mean ‘stylish’. I mean, ‘I bought this because my naive little eyeballs once read that it was supposed to be in for the season’. After the first few wears, it became painfully clear that oversized polka-dot chiffon blouses do not become these wide shoulders and hips unless I am seven months pregnant, in which case I look adorable. Out of the closet, into the maternity rubbermaid.
closet decorator Like some kind of deranged oversized magpie, I decided to line my closet with this at some point because I thought it was pretty. I’m pretty sure my neurons didn’t even fire; it was a strict hand-to-hanger “ooh, shiny!” nervous impulse. Unfortunately, once I brought it home, I realized the lacy part exposed too much lady part. Not exactly ideal for the context in which I was planning to wear this blouse, i.e., in front of thirty teenagers at my Christian school. You are probably looking at these two photos so far and wondering how many times I have to buy something that looks bad before I will stop doing that. WELL…
ethical but ugly At one point, I felt so shopping deprived from constantly putting things back on the rack that the minute I’d see something made in the USA or Canada, I’d buy it even if it didn’t look that great. I hate hate HATE getting rid of items that I’ve barely worn but not as much as I hate being taunted by a surly gang of ill-chosen threads every time I open my closet door. I would take a picture but I don’t think you’re ready for it.**
nostalgic barnacle, irrelevant to current life stage This is a hoodie with history. It is one of two exact replica hoodies I purchased for myself while in University, when I felt a deep need to be validated by my sense of hipster irony. I spilled bleach on the original one, kept wearing it anyway for another 6 months and finally replaced it with Ironic Hoodie 2.0 when the cuffs started falling off. Horrifying, perhaps, but not for the girl who used to wear INSIDE OUT T-SHIRTS TO SCHOOL, NO I’M NOT KIDDING. But my thirtieth birthday draws nigh. These days, I like to wear my shirts right-side-out and no matter how hard I squint, Ironic Hoodie 2.0 doesn’t make me laugh anymore because I am (apparently) a decrepit prune.
Ironic Hoodie 1.0 Ironic Hoodie 2.0
I just took all the clothes belonging to these aforementioned groups and purged them (there were lots). My closet looks like this now:
blazerblazersweatersweaterblouseblouseblouseblousebuttondownbuttondownbuttondownhangerhangerhangeremptyspaceemptyspaceTshirtTshirtTshirtTshirtTshirtTshirtcardigancardigancardiganhangerhangertrouserstrousersdressdress
That’s right- I can quite literally visualize every item in my closet right now because each one adds real value to my wardrobe and is in there for a very specific reason.
Full of vigour (from doing this purge) and shame (from shopping poorly enough to make this purge necessary), I hereby declare that from now on, no garment shall cross the threshold of my closet door unless it fits all of the following criteria:
sourced ethically This means that it was assembled in a country with stringent labour standards, or under circumstances where special care was taken to ensure fair labour practices in a country with typically poor labour standards (e.g. fair trade).
purchased thoughtfully I will know what I’m buying before I enter the store, and I won’t leave with anything extra, no matter how cute the bulldog is.
deeply reflective of personal style NOT a passing trend, and therefore won’t leave my closet until it’s falling apart. On that note…
seriously well-made An ethically sourced garment can still shrink, fall to pieces and hit the landfill sooner than it ought to. This US made T-shirt started out awesome but came out of its first accidental encounter with the dryer too snug for Tyrion Lannister.
*not really. She was so mean to Anne Hathaway.
** I forgot to take the picture.
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